Fear and Loathing in Las Douglas

At Douglas College, the students of the Print Futures: Professional Writing program are faced with many mixed emotions. One day fear, the other anticipation. The following day our confidence is smashed after we’ve been told our portfolios aren’t anywhere near ready for professional viewing, and that we can’t write a cover letter that would satisfy McDonalds.  Only ten more weeks until we’re done, until the portfolio show where we bare the past two years of our lives to everyone that matters.

As I read my fellow classmates’ blogs, they are expressing the exact same fears and concerns. Are we really qualified to be  professional writers? What happens when the security of the college walls are removed? I don’t remember anything I’ve learned, except for what a dangling modifier is, the purpose of a gerund, and a decent definition for exigence. My one friend outside of the program says she’s seen an improvement in my emails. She said I write with more focus. Hm. That’s somewhat encouraging. Will that get me a job as the next copywriter for MEC?

I picture Maureen, the program coordinator pouring a box full toys over her PF babies, and we can’t figure out how to play with them, except to fight over letter-blocks, cars and dolls, wondering which one is the best choice.  We are then left alone to put them away.

I feel even more vulnerable because I now have a label as a professional writer, and will have a diploma to back it up. I must live up to this label and impress people with my top-notch writing skills. I am paranoid of all emails I send out; people are thinking, “She’s a professional writer. This better be good.” No grammatical errors or spelling mistakes are allowed. Everything I write must be witty, edgy and balanced, capturing my audience from the very start. Part of me wants to retreat back to my old ways, finding the easy way out to a job doing admin work. That way I can’t get rejected or be judged, but then I recall the years of drudgery, bad bosses, and lack of purpose. No, I can’t give up without even trying. Man, I haven’t even started and I’m already complaining!

The distress begins to answer the age-old question: What do I want to be when I grow up? I’m grown up (some of you may beg to differ, especially the way I giggle in class), and I’m still not sure. Editing, book publishing, communications, Public Relations, magazine publishing?  I know I want to write, but now I have to decide who I want to write for, and what I want to write about.

Let’s start with what I don’t want to write about: accounting, finances, mining, computer software, legal matters, technical jargon, politics, the Bible, certain people (can’t name names), research reports, meeting minutes, transcriptions, cars, fishing, sports, sewing, Monster Truck rallies, meat. That’s all I can think of right now.

What I want to write about: the environment, animals, wildlife, health, health care, seniors, children, all people for that matter, social issues, food, cooking, music, books, writing, my family, my friends, economics, culture, the arts, things you can do with cheese and chocolate, religion, my mother, tea, exercising, my lack of exercising, disease, happiness, nice things, depressing things, the media, impacts, natural disasters, the obscure.

And even though I have an idea of who I want to work for, and what I want to write about, there’s the issue of finding work, getting published, rejection, rejection, rejection. I think that’s our biggest fear of all. Do we really have what it takes, not just personality-wise, but the right stuff on paper? Can we really demonstrate that we are the literate, polished, witty writers we claim to be?

Well, at least the good list is longer than the bad list. That’s a start. Right now, my ultimate writing goal is to be a freelancer, submitting articles and stories to magazines, newspapers, book publishers, websites, message boards and blogs. I wouldn’t mind doing contract work for corporate communications and public relations companies, which reminds me, I need to come up with three lists for my Professional Readiness Instructor. A list of PR companies, local magazines, and communications departments in Vancouver that I’d like to work for. Ooo, that’s a long one. I’d better get to work!

Maybe I’m not so hopeless after all. All I can do for now is focus on one day at a time.

Baby steps