The other day I was out for lunch with my significant other (S.O.) and his mother, who was visiting from France. We went to a mom-and-pop sandwich place we frequent often, so we are on friendly terms with the owner who works behind the counter.
While waiting for our orders, S.O., his mother and I were comparing tans on our forearms. We were looking down, pointing and laughing since we weren’t very dark and just looked like we weren’t anemic anymore. The owner noticed our conversation and said, “Do I see something changing?” while looking down at my stomach. At first I thought she was asking about my “tan,” but then I realized what she meant and responded with a stern “Oh no! Not at all!” while waving my hands downward. Then S.O. said loudly while patting my belly, “No, it’s just all the rich French food she’s been eating lately!” laughing, thinking he was just oh-so-clever and funny, as if he saved the awkward moment when really he just made it much worse. I looked down, clutching my stomach and felt myself blushing. I laughed politely while dying inside as we left the restaurant.
Just after we walked out, his mother said, “Well, that woman obviously doesn’t keep up on the latest fashions!” The top I was wearing had a band just below the bust line but it wasn’t loose and flowing like a maternity top. I had just bought it from the “new arrivals” rack at Naf-Naf, a trendy clothing store in the heart of Paris, so I was really miffed that it might make me look pregnant. I asked S.O., who gave me this I-feel-sorry-for-you look and said, “Well, actually ….”
The argument that followed that comment can be found in his memoir, “How to Avoid Living in the Dog House.” My point of this story is how some people are so focused on baby-making, that any sign of body fat equals pregnancy. This usually leads to embarrassment of both parties. People should only ask that question if it’s terribly obvious. I don’t know this restaurant-owner very well, our relationship is strictly customer-based, so I thought it was quite inappropriate for her to comment like that. If I really were pregnant, I would choose to offer that information to her and not leave it up to her to assume on any given day.
That wasn’t the first time the outspoken restaurant owner asked this type of question. She has asked me in roundabout ways several times before. She’s also not the only person to do so. We have quite a few friends and family with small children, so I get a lot of, “So, when are you having kids?” When I gain a little weight and they jump with excitement because people think I am WITH child. I have to inform them, “Nope, just WITH Cheeseburger!” When I say I’m nauseous, they say, “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” Maybe I just don’t feel good. Response to that, “Oh, you never know!” rather than, “Oh, I’m sorry, are you okay?”
My S.O. and I fall into the non-breeding category. We are child free by choice. This is a concept many people cannot grasp. When I tell people I am not having children they give me a sad look as if my child-to-be had lived and died, and say, “You can always adopt” or “Nancy from choir is 47 and has a five year old!” Good for her, but it’s not for me. It’s not that I can’t have them, I don’t want to have them. I’m all for everyone else having them, don’t get me wrong. Have as many as you like. I just don’t want to be the one giving birth. And then I get the old, “Oh, you’re the type of person who will regret not having kids.” and “Having kids was the best thing I ever did. I don’t know how I’d live without them!” Again, your story, not mine.
Just FYI, I am not a fat person. I am 5’9″ and weigh 140 pounds – see? I am not ashamed of my weight.
I am not in shape and have a few love handles, but what 30 plus person doesn’t ? Just anorexics or the rare naturally thin folks that everyone loves to hate.
I joke around with my friends now that I’m expecting a “food baby” any time now. I will give myself nine months to exercise it out. Who knows, maybe I’ll have another, and call him my little Pizza Pops. Maybe I’ll have non-identical twins, Cheesecake and Potato Chips!
blaak sheep 
