Blue Monday

Today he really did not want to go to school, or get up, or do his favourite things, like play.

“Tom is NOT my friend any more!” he yelled out from under the covers.

I somehow managed to convince him to get up, get dressed and put the coat and boots on. He lolligagged and stalled, asking for yogurt on the way out the door.

“But I’m STARVING!” he insisted. I stopped to retrieve a Nano yogurt bottle out of his backpack.

We slowly walked outside while he complained of cold hands and sore feet. As we got closer to the school, his friends greeted him with big smiles and hellos. He just hid his face in my stomach and grimaced. He finally resorted to running ahead of everyone, and when they caught up with him, he ran straight back to me, scowling.

The bell rang with trepidation. That did not affect his speed up the stairs to the classroom door. He stopped, gave me a hug with his face down, and slowly trudged inside, not looking back.

How many days have I felt like this, like not going to school, or work, or anywhere, but had to and felt like a sack of you-know-what? It’s so hard to know how your kid is feeling right to the bone and that there’s nothing you can do to make it better for him. He has to learn that you have to attend to your commitments even if you don’t feel like it. But I’m worried there’s something more, of course, being a mom and the emotions-on-my-sleeve person that I am. Anxiety, depression, maybe he’s sick, is he being bullied, you name it. But even if you go somewhere, feel you have no friends or that you don’t quite fit in, you still have to battle onwards and be yourself. Life, baby, it just sucks sometimes!

Poor kid. I hope he survived his day.

When I came to work, I told my boss about his morning and she said she’s not surprised because today is Blue Monday, the saddest day of the year. Whether or not it’s a scientifically sound theory, it was certainly true for him today.