My son is an only child. So many parents of multiple children ask me when I’m going to have another, if I’m going to have another. I say no. They look at me with such a deep sadness as if I’m the worst parent in the world. One lady whom I didn’t even know, at a party, said, “Oh, that’s not very nice of you, raising one child by himself.”
Why is having one child so bad? My son is socialized, went to day care for three years, knows how to talk to people, shares when other kids come over, and is a bit shy at first, but then comes out of his shell. I am the youngest of six children and was so painfully shy for the first 16 years of my life. Having siblings did not make me happier or outgoing.
My son has just started grade 1. His best friend who was also in his kindergarten class last year has started going to a different school. My son spends a lot of time by himself at recess as a result. People tell me he’s a loner because he’s the only child.
What’s wrong with being a loner? So he’s not super outgoing and social at six years of age. Like I said above, I was the youngest of six children and was also and still am a loner. So many people who as adults are loners hated the pressure to be outgoing when they were children and welcomed adulthood when they could do what they wanted with their social lives.
Besides, having siblings is not always a good thing. The University of Michigan School of Medicine reports “that violence between siblings is quite common. In fact, it is probably even more common than child abuse (by parents) or spouse abuse. The most violent members of American families are the children.” Sibling rivalry can not only be abusive, it can play on your insecurities with competition for attention and perfection. My brothers and I were always competing when it came to marks in school and performance in things like music recitals. When you’re the only child, you only have yourself and your parents’ confidence in you. There are no comparisons.
Susan Newman, Ph.D, writes in her article, Is Being an Only Child a Problem? “There is virtually no evidence to suggest that being an only child leads to any problems, or any more problems than any other type of upbringing. For every only child that might be overly shy, there are siblings that have not spoken to each for a decade.”
Being an only child is not wrong. It is just different. And it’s okay.
References: Boyse, Kyla. “Sibling Abuse.” Michigan Medicine, University of Michigan. November 2012.
Newman, Susan. “Is Being an Only Child a Problem” Psychology Today, November, 2018.
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