I told him my brother was a CGA. He smirked and said, “What happened to you?” I regret that I continued the date with him and several more, only to have him ultimately reject me in the end.

If someone doesn’t believe in you right from the start, believe that they don’t right from the start. Don’t waste your time thinking you can impress them, or that they even need to be impressed. Be with someone who thinks you’re awesome as soon as they lay eyes on you, who sees your strengths, talents, and passions glowing strong and does not focus on weaknesses or their own interests.

I regret wasting my time on these people. I should have just walked out the door. As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” How many times do we need to hear this? How many times do we ignore that small voice within us that screams, “This is wrong!”

It’s not until you’re in a better place that you can look back and realize what a bad place you were in. Amazing how the trees can block our view from the forest. I’m older now. If only I knew this much younger but then I wouldn’t have all the treasures I have now by enduring these relationships, even though they were rocky, both personal and professional.

Life certainly is a learning experience, only for us to die after we’ve learned everything. But we can still pass along our wisdom and experience to our offspring, family, and friends. Keep being you, keep learning, keep helping others. Never stop, ever.

I watched a golden leaf loosen itself from a tree, its downward dance interrupted by a telephone wire. After resting there for a moment, it slipped off, gracefully falling onto the ground. I wondered how many other leaves made the same migration from sky to soil.

How many times do we stumble and have our fall broken by something in the way, letting us stop for a moment to ponder before our inevitable descent? This moment softens the plunge and makes it bearable, less painful, fragile bones are spared from breaking. I am so grateful for pauses like these.

Falling isn’t always a bad thing if we make it less about the fall and more about the journey. Sometimes we need to kiss the ground that supports us with its strength and solidness. We can lay there for a while and rest before getting back up, or even stay to help others who have fallen, just as the decaying leaves nourish the plants and trees that surround them.

The spot where you always laid down

is empty

empty as my heart

the groove of my stomach

that formed when I laid down on my side

and provided a nest for you to sleep

is now hollowed and barren

as is my soul

you would perch on the crook

of my bent legs

creating just enough room for

me to reach and stroke your head

My skin misses the frigid brush

of your wet nose against my face

awaking me each morning

All the parts of my body

that you once touched

ache

for where you once were

Now your memory only exists in the warm and cool breezes

that blow through the trees,

that caress me when someone walks by

Touch is how I welcomed you

Touch is how we departed

The sense of touch is gone. Except for the winds of memory. We only have memories to rely on. No words, no conversations, no music. I remember your touch the most.

As I sit here in front of my computer on a chilly and dark early evening, I see from other friends’ posts on social media they are doing the same thing: staying in and doing nothing except for watching movies, reading, cooking, or enjoying other indoor activities. We nestle into the darkness, which is broken by the light of lamps, televisions, computer screens, and electronic devices just to make our way through.

Christmas is approaching, and we prepare to decorate with more bright lights, shiny ornaments and festive candles, settling before a fire-lit hearth with extra thick soft slippers and comfort wear.

I read other posts telling us to accept the darkness and and rest in it as nature intended, retreat without the use of bright lights to compensate. As nature intended? The truth is, Mother Nature does not love us.

She certainly has not made it easy for us to stay alive. Bone-chilling winters, unbearable heat waves, destructive storms, shattering earthquakes and scorching wildfires are just a few of the natural disasters that have occurred since before global warming started. Then there are germs, poisons, pests, wild animals, diseases and viral outbreaks. She is hurting us just for being here. When when we fight back for our survival, we damage the very system that keeps us alive. Greenhouse gasses, garbage and pollution are diminishing the planet’s natural resources and sustainable environment.

We have tried our best to overcome the above obstacles with our evolution and inventions. Electricity, shelter, and other modern day conveniences make it much easier to survive nowadays. Our devices make it easier to work and communicate with one another, sometimes saving lives in the case of natural disasters.

History has shown people compensating in other ways without the use of electricity or devices. But without electricity, there is the risk of suffering and death from cold or extreme heat. Especially with the larger global population as compared to 500 years ago. But can we live without devices and electronics? Have we created a monster of reliance on these items that have changed our ways of living and even some cultures?

Everything we do is not necessary for our survival. We need to reveal the fine line that distinguishes survival from pure indulgence, greed and comfort.

We cannot defeat her. We have to learn to work with her, somehow, to keep our sanity and health safe and secure from the damaging effects of the privilege of living on this planet.

A solution is definitely not easy to obtain.

So much joy on a birthday, the celebration of a new life, to be met with so much sadness on a death day, the mourning of the end of life, all on the same day. Someone close to me died today, my birthday. Notice birthday is one word, and death day is two. The two words are separated by a space, just like death separates us from our loved one. People say death only separates us physically, that they are just in the next room, waiting for us. But are they? Do we really know?

There are many theories and beliefs about what happens to us after death. Heaven, hell, reincarnation to name a few. There is a new quantum physics theory that death is just an illusion. To quote the article: “We believe in death because we’ve been taught we die. Our association with our body is so strong that when we “die’ we assume that both our body and consciousness also shut off. Yet biocentrism, a new theory of everything, is suggesting that death is not the end like we think. We have the power to change our brain circuits with new associations, like learning that fire is hot by touching it. This shows that what we see would not be perceived without our consciousness.” The article goes on to say that what we see in the physical realm is not everything, it’s just what our consciousness sees, and there could be a lot more out there waiting for us.

Some people choose to call a funeral a celebration of life. Pictures are posted of joyous times. We only want to remember the happy times and not be sad.

But this person has vanished from the physical realm. How can we NOT be sad? We won’t see them again, and don’t know for sure if we ever will.

Those of faith would disagree with me.

But I am not a member of a faith.

My mother passed away 18 years ago. I have seen her alive in my dreams. I often dream she didn’t really die, she came back to life in the hospital somehow, that the funeral was hoax, and we as a family are keeping her all to ourselves, and we have to eventually tell everyone that she is indeed alive.

What does that mean?

Is it just my brain, or my consciousness trying to make sense of her loss, or is she really around somewhere? To quote the above article once more: “After all death, just like our consciousness, is just energy, and energy can’t be created or destroyed, this is a law of physics.”

I don’t think we are physically qualified to be able to grasp the concept of death. It happens, it is part of life, people come and people go. We can’t change that. We must move on with our own lives and not focus on their departure.

We all have our own belief systems of what happens after death. The trick is to keep breathing every day is if it were our last, because the candle of our life could be blown out at any second, even right after birth, on our birthday.

I remain hopeful though, that it all does continue on after death, that we move on somewhere, somehow. It would be such a waste if it didn’t.