not your average writing
Void
I watch the rain fall gently,
the drops were like tiny marbles clinging
to the brilliant green leaves of the maple trees.
Funny …
yesterday it stormed and shook,
with dark, angry skies,
but today it soothes and consoles
the empty heart.
Older
They say age grows
with time
but it is more
a state of mind
than a keeper
of time.
Today he really did not want to go to school, or get up, or do his favourite things, like play.
“Tom is NOT my friend any more!” he yelled out from under the covers.
I somehow managed to convince him to get up, get dressed and put the coat and boots on. He lolligagged and stalled, asking for yogurt on the way out the door.
“But I’m STARVING!” he insisted. I stopped to retrieve a Nano yogurt bottle out of his backpack.
We slowly walked outside while he complained of cold hands and sore feet. As we got closer to the school, his friends greeted him with big smiles and hellos. He just hid his face in my stomach and grimaced. He finally resorted to running ahead of everyone, and when they caught up with him, he ran straight back to me, scowling.
The bell rang with trepidation. That did not affect his speed up the stairs to the classroom door. He stopped, gave me a hug with his face down, and slowly trudged inside, not looking back.
How many days have I felt like this, like not going to school, or work, or anywhere, but had to and felt like a sack of you-know-what? It’s so hard to know how your kid is feeling right to the bone and that there’s nothing you can do to make it better for him. He has to learn that you have to attend to your commitments even if you don’t feel like it. But I’m worried there’s something more, of course, being a mom and the emotions-on-my-sleeve person that I am. Anxiety, depression, maybe he’s sick, is he being bullied, you name it. But even if you go somewhere, feel you have no friends or that you don’t quite fit in, you still have to battle onwards and be yourself. Life, baby, it just sucks sometimes!
Poor kid. I hope he survived his day.
When I came to work, I told my boss about his morning and she said she’s not surprised because today is Blue Monday, the saddest day of the year. Whether or not it’s a scientifically sound theory, it was certainly true for him today.
“You’re driving.” He said.
“What? No!”
The thought of maneuvering the Donzi through waves caused my heart to skip a beat even though the water was as smooth as glass. I just wanted to relax and enjoy the ride.
“Yep, you’re driving.” He repeated.
“Shit.”
My hands shook as he handed me the keys to put in the ignition. The water was calm, but I had never driven a boat before. The responsibility loomed over me like the hills around us.
It seemed pretty easy until I met my first wake. “Steer in the direction of the waves!” he yelled over my head as he sat behind me. I did as I was told but not quite. The boat’s hull heaved and smacked against the churning water, causing me to loose my grip on the steering wheel. The boat jolted and shook violently. I enjoyed the feeling of rising up and landing back down with great force, but I felt like I was going to go flying into the sea.
“Can you steer now?” I asked intrepidly.
He winced and switched spots with me. Relief washed over me as I took the seat beside him. The boat sped up and we were on our way to Twin Islands. The wind blew through my hair as thin sheets of water sprayed around us.
Every time a boat passed us, he steered into the wake and we crashed into each one with rapture. I liked this part a lot. My nervousness evaporated into excitement as we went even faster. The trees and coastal homes on the shore blurred. The churning water looked like a million minnows swimming for their lives, their writhing bellies glistening in the morning sun.
We arrived at the Island with salt-soaked hair and watering eyes. We docked the boat and got out to meet the Army Cadets we were carrying supplies for. Their politeness reigned as they instantly got to work to remove the gear from the boat to take up to their campsite.
I sat on the dock and breathed, heavily- disappointed the ride was over already. I waited in the hot sun as they emptied the boat, lighting up a cigarette to pass the time. The smoke danced and waved in the light breeze that tousled my crispy hair.
“Wanna go out again?” he asked
I gave him a big nod yes. He laughed and made fun of my facial expression, eyes bugged out and mouth pursed. “Uh HUH!” he mimicked.
It’s not easy being me some days. I’m definitely not superwoman. But maybe today I am for getting through being me.
This is how I start my day…
blaak sheep 