babies – blaak sheep

Harnessing your toddler: safe or humiliating? Or both?

I’ve decided to do something I swore I’d never do: put a harness (a cute and cuddly one at that) on my child. I always used to judge parents who did that, thinking they weren’t good parents to not have control over their child. Then I had my own. He is fiercely independent, walks ahead of me and refuses to hold my hand. If I try to force him, he pulls back, screams and starts to run away. It’s more dangerous and humiliating for us to do that than to put a strap on him.

I just purchased a little owl backpack that is accompanied by a thick, not-too-long, detachable strap. I haven’t tried it out yet because I haven’t had the opportunity to take him out for a walk on the street. At the same time, I am so afraid of judgment from others since I used to be the one to judge. When I tell people about it, most people understand, but some people cringe. My nephew said, “What is he, a dog?”

Why am I so afraid of judgment? Who cares what other people think? Most of the people who will judge me will be non-parents, or people who have never had an independent, active child. I care more about the safety of my child than what other people think and the aesthetics of it all.

My friend told me once she was driving slowly down a busy street when a toddler broke free from her father’s hand and darted out into busy traffic. My friend hit the brakes quickly and did not hit the child, but it was a scary, near miss.

Toddlers are unpredictable, active, crazy, and love to run and bolt. My toddler is not even two-years-old and doesn’t yet understand that running out onto the road could mean imminent danger. He also doesn’t understand all the vocabulary necessary to communicate this message to him. I don’t want him to learn the hard way.

If you see a toddler in harness, do not judge or ridicule. The parent is being a very good parent by caring more about safety on a busy street than a socially-pleasing appearance of invisible control and good behaviour that doesn’t always exist.

Yahoo! writer Jennifer Phillips says the debate isn’t even about leashes/harnesses; it’s just another topic to perpetuate the mommy wars. Instead of judging parents who choose to leash (or choose anything for that matter), Phillips says, “[It’s important to remember that] we are all unique individuals, with unique children, in unique situations trying to do the best we can, and make the best decisions we can for our unique families.”

Having a baby in your 40s – such a rarity or the norm?

So I had a baby at the ripe age of 43. When I tell some people who don’t know me very well my age, they say, “Oh, you had your baby late in life!” and look at me all concerned, as if it’s a problem. They then ask if there were any complications, and I say no. Everything went swimmingly. They say,”Oh you were lucky,” and continue with the doomsday look, as if I’m a time bomb waiting to explode. Some even said if they had a baby in their 40s, they’d feel like killing themselves.

I understand the stats involved are plenty. Many complications can happen. But they didn’t. Yes, I was lucky. But that doesn’t mean it’s a taboo. Don’t look at me that way. Instead, congratulate me and be frickin happy. Yes, my baby is a miracle, but aren’t all babies? And many women under 40 can have complications. But we don’t automatically assume and almost “wish” that upon them. It’s like telling a pregnant woman she’s going to have a terrible labour. You just don’t project bad vibes on someone. Especially if you don’t know them very well.

Anything is possible. More and more women are waiting later in life to have a baby. With all the medical advances nowadays, it is possible. We are told not to wait, the dangers for mom and baby are many. But sometimes we don’t have that luxury of time. For me, I wasn’t ready in my twenties or thirties. I didn’t want a child, and didn’t have the means to support a child. I didn’t meet my life partner until I was in my forties.

I have to admit, my pregnancy wasn’t planned. We were talking about having a baby, but were thinking perhaps in a year or so, but didn’t know if I could even get pregnant, and of course, we were worried about complications. I was worried at this age having a baby would be harder on me, that I’d be exhausted all the time, and irritable. I was worried my back would go out and I’d have a lot of health problems.

Then I just got pregnant. They watched me like a hawk, especially during labour, but everything went fine. And our son continues to amaze us every day. He is healthy, happy and fun. I have a strange energy, I am not too exhausted. I am extremely patient and calm (most of the time). I think nature has a way of taking care of both the mom and the baby at times. I feel like I won the lottery.

If a woman you know is older and is having a baby, be supportive, not negative. All the stats in the world are there, but are not always applicable to her situation.