Tag Archives: danger

Having a baby in your 40s – such a rarity or the norm?

So I had a baby at the ripe age of 43. When I tell some people who don’t know me very well my age, they say, “Oh, you had your baby late in life!” and look at me all concerned, as if it’s a problem. They then ask if there were any complications, and I say no. Everything went swimmingly. They say,”Oh you were lucky,” and continue with the doomsday look, as if I’m a time bomb waiting to explode. Some even said if they had a baby in their 40s, they’d feel like killing themselves.

I understand the stats involved are plenty. Many complications can happen. But they didn’t. Yes, I was lucky. But that doesn’t mean it’s a taboo. Don’t look at me that way. Instead, congratulate me and be frickin happy. Yes, my baby is a miracle, but aren’t all babies? And many women under 40 can have complications. But we don’t automatically assume and almost “wish” that upon them. It’s like telling a pregnant woman she’s going to have a terrible labour. You just don’t project bad vibes on someone. Especially if you don’t know them very well.

Anything is possible. More and more women are waiting later in life to have a baby. With all the medical advances nowadays, it is possible. We are told not to wait, the dangers for mom and baby are many. But sometimes we don’t have that luxury of time. For me, I wasn’t ready in my twenties or thirties. I didn’t want a child, and didn’t have the means to support a child. I didn’t meet my life partner until I was in my forties.

I have to admit, my pregnancy wasn’t planned. We were talking about having a baby, but were thinking perhaps in a year or so, but didn’t know if I could even get pregnant, and of course, we were worried about complications. I was worried at this age having a baby would be harder on me, that I’d be exhausted all the time, and irritable. I was worried my back would go out and I’d have a lot of health problems.

Then I just got pregnant. They watched me like a hawk, especially during labour, but everything went fine. And our son continues to amaze us every day. He is healthy, happy and fun. I have a strange energy, I am not too exhausted. I am extremely patient and calm (most of the time). I think nature has a way of taking care of both the mom and the baby at times. I feel like I won the lottery.

If a woman you know is older and is having a baby, be supportive, not negative. All the stats in the world are there, but are not always applicable to her situation.

Animals and Children: Which one is the monster?

This morning Bengal, my older cat, hissed and scratched Aiden, my 10-and-a-half-month old son, on the side of his head. He cried. He bled, a little. Bengal had been sitting on the couch and he cornered her so she couldn’t get away and then grabbed her face. She’s 14-years-old and is uncomfortable around children because she hasn’t been around them often enough until now. Normally she keeps her distance from Aiden and will even sleep beside him. She is fine with him as long as he doesn’t grab or corner her. Bengal would do the same to me if I did the same to her. Memphis, however, my two-year-old cat, loves to be around Aiden and is very gentle with him, only placing his paw on Aiden’s face without claws when Aiden grabs or touches him.

Some people would punish Bengal, freak out or even get rid of her, thinking it’s their job to protect Aiden. But what about Bengal? She is old, tired and afraid. She is an animal, not a human. We don’t use human psychology on animals. If I punished her, she would just be shamed and confused, not understanding why she is being ostrasized for protecting herself and trusting her natural, ingrained and uncontrollable instincts. She will do it again under the same circumstances.

On the issue of protecting Aiden, children and babies need to learn how to treat and respect animals, even and especially at a young, tender age. This is how they will learn to protect themselves first. A little scratch on the head is no reason to get rid of an animal. If your child touches a hot stove, you don’t get rid of the stove. You teach the same child to look both ways before he crosses the street and not to cross if there is a car coming; you don’t petition to have roads removed because they are unsafe. The same goes for animals, even people. We tell our children not to approach strangers and not to grab or hit people or pull their hair. If Bengal viciously attacked him without provocation, that would be a different story. That is also extremely rare behaviour from a cat. The stories you hear about cats attacking children or “smothering” them because they are jealous are urban myths. (If you don’t believe me, Snope it here.)  Cats either love the baby or are uninterested.

I admit Aiden has a difficult and confusing lesson to learn. With one cat, he can do whatever he wants but with the other cat, it will result in pain. He will learn. He already has.

 

dogandchild