Tag Archives: older women

Don’t go out looking like that!

A good friend of mine and I were walking around a pond in Stanley Park. We were watching the mallard ducks swim and splash around in the water. We commented on the beautiful colours of the male ducks: the blue and white markings on their tail-feathers and their deep green, iridescent heads. Then she said, “My dad used to say to me, ‘Look at how much more beautiful the males are than the females. Even in nature the males are more attractive  than the females.’ ”

I disagreed. I said, “What about humans? Women are the more attractive gender.” She responded, “No, my father says women are ugly and that’s why they wear make-up and fancy clothes. Men don’t have to do that because they are more attractive than women.”

This got me to thinking, is this really true? Do men really feel this way, and even if they do, why do women put up with it?

Why do women wear make-up? To attract men. Red lips and eyes appearing bigger and more striking indicate that we are ready to mate. Pink cheeks make us look healthier. But we also wear make-up when we have a boyfriend or are married. We’ve got our man. Do women really believe our mate would leave us if we didn’t? They see us when we take off our make-up at night before bed and first thing in the morning. Do they cringe each time?

I work in an office of mostly women. Most of the women wear make-up every day to work. To impress who? Other heterosexual women? The few men that are here? Ourselves? We can’t stand looking at ourselves in the mirror: wrinkles, acne, under-eye circles, age spots, freckles. We have to hide our imperfections like dirty little secrets.

I understand we want to look our best. We shower, brush our hair and teeth, wear clean, matching clothes. We want to smell and look good not just to attract the opposite sex, but to be presentable to everyone in general. But to be expected to be made up and polished at all times sometimes is just exhausting. Women are inundated with ads on television, in magazines and newspapers for hair products, teeth whiteners, wrinkle creams promising the eternal look of youth, clothes to make us look slimmer and bustier, and of course, make-up to make us look flawless. There aren’t as many of these ads for men. Why so much pressure on women, whether or not it is self-inflicted?

I don’t wear make-up every day. On the days I don’t, I often get comments that I look tired or sick. Do men get those comments often? Why are women expected to hide their flaws and men aren’t? Men look funny with make-up, too feminine. Why do we associate true femininity with flawless perfection?

This is an interesting article on why women wear make-up and how people in a study perceive women with make-up.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/04/women-wear-too-much-makeup-because-they-mistakenly-think-men-want-them-to/361264/

I don’t have the answers to these questions. This blog entry is to get a conversation going and come up with answers of our own.

Having a baby in your 40s – such a rarity or the norm?

So I had a baby at the ripe age of 43. When I tell some people who don’t know me very well my age, they say, “Oh, you had your baby late in life!” and look at me all concerned, as if it’s a problem. They then ask if there were any complications, and I say no. Everything went swimmingly. They say,”Oh you were lucky,” and continue with the doomsday look, as if I’m a time bomb waiting to explode. Some even said if they had a baby in their 40s, they’d feel like killing themselves.

I understand the stats involved are plenty. Many complications can happen. But they didn’t. Yes, I was lucky. But that doesn’t mean it’s a taboo. Don’t look at me that way. Instead, congratulate me and be frickin happy. Yes, my baby is a miracle, but aren’t all babies? And many women under 40 can have complications. But we don’t automatically assume and almost “wish” that upon them. It’s like telling a pregnant woman she’s going to have a terrible labour. You just don’t project bad vibes on someone. Especially if you don’t know them very well.

Anything is possible. More and more women are waiting later in life to have a baby. With all the medical advances nowadays, it is possible. We are told not to wait, the dangers for mom and baby are many. But sometimes we don’t have that luxury of time. For me, I wasn’t ready in my twenties or thirties. I didn’t want a child, and didn’t have the means to support a child. I didn’t meet my life partner until I was in my forties.

I have to admit, my pregnancy wasn’t planned. We were talking about having a baby, but were thinking perhaps in a year or so, but didn’t know if I could even get pregnant, and of course, we were worried about complications. I was worried at this age having a baby would be harder on me, that I’d be exhausted all the time, and irritable. I was worried my back would go out and I’d have a lot of health problems.

Then I just got pregnant. They watched me like a hawk, especially during labour, but everything went fine. And our son continues to amaze us every day. He is healthy, happy and fun. I have a strange energy, I am not too exhausted. I am extremely patient and calm (most of the time). I think nature has a way of taking care of both the mom and the baby at times. I feel like I won the lottery.

If a woman you know is older and is having a baby, be supportive, not negative. All the stats in the world are there, but are not always applicable to her situation.