The Dreamweaver Conspiracy

If you’re going to try to learn Cascading Style Sheets in Dreamweaver 8, I don’t suggest trying to do so first thing in the morning. I’ve been trying, and now I have a huge headache. I don’t know why we have to learn something we don’t care to use, and that is making the whole class both homicidal and suicidal. First we kill the teacher, then ourselves. I’d rather do that than try to learn it.  For some reason, it is making us feel that we aren’t worthy of existing if we can’t learn it, or that we are just too stupid to live.

Even the features we’ve already mastered in Dreamweaver have their bugs. The program seems to be designed not to work. Even though you do everything correctly, there is some microbe somewhere that prevents an image from opening, or your link from working for no reason at all. I am convinced the designers of this software want to slowly drive the population mad, so we can’t create our own websites. They want all the control and the power over the Internet. As web designers and programmers, they are afraid of going out of business, so by making the software frustrating, they are banking on the fact that people won’t  bother. And even those who overcome the frustration suffer the ridicule and shame of  the amateur, cheap look of the do-it-yourself page. The web-control-geeks can then charge an arm and a leg to create the website for you, or to provide tech support over the phone where they talk to you in such a condescending way you don’t feel worthy of their time.

That’s it. All the computer geeks are out to get us. They are really the ones ruling the world. We can’t do anything without them, since we can’t live without our computers. We need them to check emails, pay bills, register, inform, shop, Ebay, update our Myspace, use online banking, download music and chat with our friends. It’s hopeless, really. And they are constantly adding updates, new features and new looks just to throw us off track, and make us spend more money on new software. New features and technologies are just more things to learn, especially when designing your own site. They are trying to overwhelm us, and convince us that we somehow need it all.

Take the Windows operating system, Every two to three years, there is a new version. First it was Windows 95, then 98, then XP, now it’s Vista. To get it, you have to pay big bucks to upgrade your system. What makes me crazy is that in a few years’ time, XP will be inoperable, and we will all be forced to by the newest version. And they are always making things faster with more space, more megabytes. Now everything is measured in gigabytes. In a few years, those will be useless, and there will be terrabytes. Why can’t they just let a good thing be? Why keep adding for the sake of adding? Marketing, profit, planned obsolescence,  which to me is pure evil.

The geeks are getting their revenge on mainstream society for all the torture and abuse they suffered in highschool. The football teams and cheerleaders of the past are now the losers of today, unable to function properly without having to come crawling for help. These techies now proudly call themselves computer geeks instead of hiding in the debate club, boldly stepping out of the AV closet. They know how much we need them, and that they are making the most money. This gives them more power to own more things, travel the world, marry the hot chick, become famous.

It’s a cruel world really. I’ll try not to kill myself today. I can’t give them the power.