Category Archives: Not your average writing

The seagulls cry

Songs of loneliness

Their sounds remind me of

Days spent with you

I lay in bed

Paralyzed

You’re gone

Possibly forever

The walls around me

Stare back

Silent

Empty

White

All I can do

Is think of your last words to me

And wish I could change the past somehow

But

I remain

Alone

Except for the half-empty coffee cup sitting on my nightstand

Another reminder

of my last cup

with you.

A woman wins the lottery and another woman gets pushed into a subway train on the same day. Luck. Some people have it and some just don`t. I question my luck and happiness every day.

According to Wikipedia, “the definition of Luck (or chance) varies by philosophical, religious, mystical, or emotional context of the one interpreting it; according to the classic Noah Webster‘s dictionary, Luck is “a purposeless, unpredictable and uncontrollable force that shapes events favorably or unfavorably for an individual, group or cause”.^[1] Yet, the author Max Gunther defines it as “events that influence one’s life and are seemingly beyond one’s control”.^[2]

Beyond one`s control is the key phrase. I feel like my luck is going to run out one of these days since I look around me and see so many people suffering. I almost feel guilty. Guilty for the fact that I have nothing but goodness in my life. Some days are more difficult than others but all in all, I am happy. Some years have  been worse than others. This year is a good year. I guess I should just be thankful and accept the fact that some people are just going through a bad year, or two.

When good things happen to you and bad things are happening to a dear friend, it is very difficult to know what to say and do. You don`t want to rub in your good fortune while she is trying to stay above water. It`s like pushing her head down while you are laughing in the pool; you`re having fun and she is not.

The only thing you can do is send positive vibes her way, pray to whoever is in charge to be kind to her. I can`t visit her or offer her physical help. I live too far away. I wish I was that very lucky woman who won the lottery so I could hop on a plane. This country is too vast. I can offer a listening ear on the phone. I don`t have any advice to shelter her from the storm that is pouring down on her.

They say what doesn`t kill you only makes you stronger. But it could kill you in the mean time. You can only gain so much strength and nothing is stronger than death. Death ultimately wins over life. This is morbid but true. It`s so difficult to hear the words, “ I just want to die!“

The other day after a difficult phone call with her, I went for a walk. It was raining gently but the sun was shining through to create a rainbow. I told her there are rainbows – there have to be. It`s just the way it works.

Please hang in there, dear friend. He needs you. I need you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know what to write about. Normally my writing is an outlet for raw emotion, negative emotions, pain. I am so friggin’ happy I feel I have nothing to express. I don’t know how to do happy writing. I can do “how to’s” and “what if’s” but not how to be happy. I guess I would say my writing in this blog is not exactly morose but I find myself lacking in subject matter.

I am a parent, a title which brings me so much pride and honour. I wrote a blog post a few years ago on how I did not want children and how I was offended by people telling me I should have children, that I didn’t know what I was missing. They were right. I have come full circle. The joys of parenthood far outweigh the negatives and people who say they don’t want to have children are just focusing on the negative aspects, such as all-night crying, poopy diapers and temper tantrums. Mind you, my child is only eight-months-old and I haven’t experienced the toddler stage yet. Plus I have a really good baby who rarely cries and sleeps through the night. Colicky-baby parents hate me right now.

From the moment I discovered I was pregnant until the minute I gave birth, I have been feeling pure joy. The harsh kicks during pregnancy made me giggle. Even the brutal, constant heartburn gave me pleasure as it was a reminder of the ebullient little life inside me.  I have to admit, I wanted to get pregnant. I craved a baby at the ripe age of 43. When I was younger, I didn’t crave such things. I craved a good education, a strong career and titles on paper. The poopy diapers and crying don’t phase me. The thought of being responsible for someone for the next twenty years inspires me to live life to the fullest.

The joy also comes from the large toothless smiles and hearty baby belly laughs. He laughs at the simplest things, from saying “Goofy goof goof goof!” to making funny faces, which in turn makes me laugh. He nibbles on my fiance’s ear and grabs his nose at the moment a picture is being taken. He growls like a dog and yells to hear his own voice. He rolls and flops around the floor, always discovering, looking, observing with awe. Watching someone so young embrace life with full force brings the strongest joy of all.

My life is so much better. I feel inspired in so many ways. Since I gave birth I have been more inspired to do a lot more things than just take good care of a baby. I am singing more and have rejoined my choir. Even though I feel I have nothing to write about today, I am writing more for other people. My fiance and I are launching our own business. Everything is coming up roses. It feels like I cannot take the wrong path right now.

When I was pregnant, we wondered how we were going to afford having a child. People came out of the woodwork and donated clothes, toys, diapers and money. I received emotional support from all angles. I discovered several “mommy”groups and a lot of free advice. Bottom line, having a baby was the best thing that every happened to me. There is nothing but positive energy coming my way.

I hope I don’t make any one barf with all this sickening happiness. See? I think happy writing is bad writing.

I wanted to start another blog called “2 Cats and a Baby” but someone beat me to it. She is a writer, and just like me, she went to school for writing but is not a professional writer by day. She said she stopped writing for awhile out of sheer laziness. Same here. She started the blog just to have something to write about, which is what I want to do. I help people with their resumes, but aside from that, I haven’t been writing creatively for quite some time. 

As some of you know, I am expecting a baby. I am five months along. I have 2 cats. One is about 10 months old and the other will be 13 years old this summer. I am worried about the cats interacting with the baby. The older cat hates kids. She hisses at them and if they try to touch her she swats. She almost scratched my niece once, but she was surrounded by children and my niece grabbed her really hard. The younger cat is a brat and likes to scratch people for fun. They currently sleep with my boyfriend and I in the bed.

When the baby comes, I am told by other experienced mothers that baby should come to bed with us while breastfeeding for the first few months. How will I keep the cats off the bed? Should I keep them out of the bedroom completely? This will be tough as they love to sleep with us and everytime we close the bedroom door, they meow, attack the door and scratch the carpet. The older cat has been sleeping with me since she was a kitten.

I love my cats and would never get rid of them. I guess I will have to experiment with keeping them out of the room before the baby comes, which is July 17. I have researched this via Google, and found various tips such as spraying them with water, letting them howl and ignoring them (easier said than done) and purchasing cat repellers.  Some people have said they will be fine as long as you keep them at the foot of the bed. That, again, is easier said than done, plus I am concerned about cat hair. Hmmm.